3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.

4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.

5 Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127:3-5

If God has given us children, then we must realize that He has given us a great blessing. In the above passage alone, we are told that children are a gift, a reward, and a source of strength and happiness.

Children are a great blessing, but with great blessings comes great responsibilities. It has been said that children are like lumps of clay to be molded. Taking that lump of clay and molding it into a godly young man or woman is the task that God has given parents. This responsibility does not belong to the grandparents, extended family, friends, teachers, elders, preacher, etc. While these individuals can be expected to provide a good influence upon children, God has singled out fathers and mothers and given them instructions concerning their responsibilities towards the “heritage” that they have received “from the Lord.”

Provide For Them

Jesus taught that we are not to worry about our daily necessities because our heavenly Father knows what we need (Matthew 6:31-32). Earthly fathers need to follow this example and be providers for their children.

God expects fathers to provide for the material needs of their children. “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). As keepers of the home (Titus 2:4-5), mothers are to provide a home environment that children need; a place of comfort, love, and stability in which they can learn and grow.

Fathers are also to provide for the spiritual needs of their children. Under the Law of Moses, God commanded fathers…

6 And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart.

7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.

8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.

9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9

Paul instructed fathers, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Children need spiritual training early and often in life. This responsibility does not belong to the church. The Bible classes offered at the local church should serve to reinforce the training the children are already receiving at home.

In the absence of a believing father, the mother will need to take on this responsibility herself. While it may be difficult, the Scriptures indicate that it can successfully be done (2 Timothy 1:5, 3:15).

Finally, parents must provide for the emotional needs of their children. Mothers are told to “love their children” (Titus 2:4). Surprisingly, this is not translated from the well known work agape, but from the word philoteknos which means to love one’s offspring or to be maternal. Children need lots of love. They need to know that they are important. If children cannot find this from their parents, they will seek it out from other sources, which often results in heartache for both the parents and the child.

Teach Them

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). This passage is a general truth. There is a right way and a wrong way for a child to go. As we noted at the beginning of this article, the Bible refers to children as arrows (Psalm 127:4). Parents are responsible for aiming those arrows in the right direction.

This responsibility becomes even more urgent when parents consider what they are up against. The devil is restless in his attempts to take men away from the truth. He does not fight fair, and our children are not off limits to his efforts.

Young people today are distracted from the paths of righteousness on many fronts. Whether it be the sinfulness that is popularized through entertainment, secular humanism that is taught in schools, a subjective (“whatever – I don’t care”) attitude learned from our society, or possibly a tolerant attitude that is exhibited by our own brethren (participation in dances, social drinking, etc.), parents need to be aware of these dangers and meet them head-on.

As we learned from Deuteronomy 6:6-7, we must be diligent in our efforts to teach our children the word of God. We must teach them right from wrong, and that the Bible is the source of determining what is right and wrong. We must teach them the proper priorities in life, common sense, good manners, how to love their neighbor, etc.

One of the most important things that we must teach our children is respect. While they are still young children, they must learn to respect their parents (Ephesians 6:1-2), those who are older (1 Timothy 5:1-2), those in positions of authority (Titus 3:1), and especially respect for God (Ecclesiastes 12:13).

Set A Good Example For Them

This teaching must be reinforced by a good example. Children imitate what they see. It is no mistake that we are a lot like our parents, we learned by watching them. Our children will do the same.

Our children will be watching how we act in public. They will learn how to interact socially by watching the way that we talk and act around others. Godly behavior must be consistent inside the home as well as outside of the home. How much of a difference do your children see between “at home” parents and “out in public” parents?

Children need to see their father loving and cherishing their mother, and their mother loving and honoring their father. They need to see their father and mother reading their Bible, getting their Bible lessons ready, praying, extending hospitality to others, visiting shut-ins, and making trips to visit the sick. All of these examples will give them the foundation and cues that they need to develop a life of service unto Christ and others.

Children need to see that the Lord’s church is important to their parents. Habitual tardiness and sporadic attendance tells your children that the church is not important. If we allow other events to come before assembling with the saints, our children will learn that family get-togethers, sporting events, studying for exams, club meetings, vacations, hunting trips, shopping trips, etc., are more important than the things that happen when the saints assemble. While there may be exceptions, the general rule is that sporadic attendance on the part of the parents will result in no attendance on the part of their grown children. What does it profit if your children are the best athletes, voted club president, graduate at the top of their class and receive full-ride scholarships, etc., and lose their soul for eternity (Matthew 16:26)?

Discipline Them

There comes a time in the life of every child when discipline becomes necessary. Children will test the boundaries that are set by their parents, but they cannot be allowed to pass these tests. Children have to be taught what “no” means and that there are consequences to inappropriate and rebellious behavior.

Solomon wrote, “Chasten your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction” (Proverbs 19:18). The time for clay to be molded is when it is soft. The shape cannot be changed once it had hardened. There is a time when our children need to be restrained and disciplined. If we wait until they are “older,” it will be too late for discipline to do any good. Consider the example of Eli and his sons.

22 Now Eli was very old; and he heard everything his sons did to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who assembled at the door of the tabernacle of meeting.

23 So he said to them, “Why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings from all the people.

24 No, my sons! For it is not a good report that I hear. You make the Lord’s people transgress.

25 If one man sins against another, God will judge him. But if a man sins against the LORD, who will intercede for him?” Nevertheless they did not heed the voice of their father, because the LORD desired to kill them.

1 Samuel 2:22-25

Eli’s sons were worthless and stood to receive God’s wrath, but God was holding Eli responsible because he did not discipline them when he had the opportunity.

12 In that day I will perform against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end.

13 For I have told him that I will judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knows, because his sons made themselves vile, and he did not restrain them.

14 And therefore I have sworn to the house of Eli that the iniquity of Eli’s house shall not be atoned for by sacrifice or offering forever.

1 Samuel 3:12-14, emphasis mine, HR

All children are different, thus different forms of discipline will be more effective with different children (spanking, time-out, grounding, etc). Regardless of the form that discipline takes, it needs to be administered promptly, consistently, and in love. “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly” (Proverbs 13:24).

Conclusion

Parenting can provide the greatest blessings that life has to offer: “Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul” (Proverbs 29:17). However, it also has the potential for the most bitter of failures: “A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her who bore him” (Proverbs 17:25). We understand that children are free-moral agents and can rebel despite the best efforts that are put forth by the best of parents. However, parents cannot ignore the fact that they play an important role in the raising of their children.

Some parents do very well at raising their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  Other parents do not do so well.  Parents that fail in this regard often do so because they are selfish with their time.  Time spent in hobbies and other events prior to marriage and children now must be shared.  Rearing children takes time in addition to love, patience, care, and correction.  That means much of the time that was spent on self is now directed at another. 

Some parents have a difficult time coping with such selflessness.  The temptation to go back to the fun of single carefree dating days unfortunately grips the minds of the spiritually unsettled.  Some go as far as ending their marriage to pursue the dreams of a twenty year old.  It is high time that parents open their eyes and acknowledge that you are not 20 years old and neither do you share the responsibilities that a 20 year old single person does.  You were blessed with that time and now you are blessed with another time.  This article shall examine the parent and child’s responsibilities toward each other in the home as revealed in the book of Proverbs.  We shall conclude the discussion with the consequences that come with obedience and rebellion.

Proverbs on Parental Responsibility in the Home

Solomon writes, “Train up a child in the way he should go and even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6 / ASVB hereafter).  The command to “train up a child” spells responsibility.  The responsibility of raising children falls squarely upon the shoulders of parents.  Time and a great deal of energy will be used for many years to train a child.  There is a great principle delivered in 2 Corinthians 9:6 that applies here.  The apostle Paul wrote, “He that sows sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he that sows bountifully shall reap also bountifully.”  The lazy or disinterested farmer who does not work very hard at planting time will not see much at the time of harvest.  The energetic, enthusiastic, and hard working farmer that plants much will, at time of harvest, reap much.  Who do you suppose will have greater success, the athlete who trains hard or the apathetic athlete who does not view the sporting event with a degree of seriousness?  Likewise, the disinterested parent who does not “train” a child will not see good results.  The energetic, enthusiastic, and hard working parent who “trains” their child in the ways of wisdom will see results.

Love in the Home

The book of Proverbs reveals three areas of responsibility that parents are to meet.  First there is love.  Secondly, the parent is to teach children in the ways of the Lord.  Lastly, parents are to discipline or correct their children.  Solomon gives advise to parents in the area of love by looking to his own childhood and how he was treated with a since of loving tenderness (see Proverbs 4:1-3).  Imagine a home where tenderness and affectionate love does not exist?  Unfortunately, many homes are filled with bitterness, anger, harsh, and cruel treatment of each other.  Children in this environment have greater potential to grow up as attention starved bullies.  God intends for the home to be a loving and caring atmosphere (see Proverbs 15:17).

Teach your Children

Secondly, the parent is responsible for teaching their children.  Solomon delivers seven critical things that a parent ought to teach their children at Proverbs 23:15-25).  First, a parent ought to teach their children not to envy sinners (Proverbs 23:17).  While it may seem like the world of sinners are having fun their unlawful activities are leading them toward a horrid eternal existence in hell (see 1 Corinthians 15:31-33). 

Secondly, teach your children to fear God (Proverbs 23:17b).  Solomon identifies the fear of Jehovah as departing from evil (Proverbs 3:7), hating evil, pride, arrogance, a perverse mouth, and evil ways (Proverbs 8:13). 

Thirdly, a parent ought to teach their children to “guide thy heart in the way” (Proverbs 23:19).  Nurturing of the heart is of utmost importance.  Solomon writes, “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life” (Proverbs 4:23).  While the parent may do all that they can do to instill interest, knowledge, understanding, conviction, and obedience in their children it is ultimately up to the child themselves to put the principles they learn to practice. 

Fourthly, a parent is to instruct their children to stay away from alcohol and those who partake of it (Proverbs 23:20-21; see also 23:31-32).  Alcohol and drugs will drag an individual down.  It is more often than not that a perverse beer drinker will bring your child down rather than your child bringing that person up.  Why would one want to put themselves in the company of drinking and drugs?

Fifthly, teach your children to honor and respect their father and mother (Proverbs 23:22).  Children that are not taught to honor and respect their parents will not honor and respect others in positions of authority.  The greatest problems within the church today revolve around this issue (see 2 Peter 2:10; Jude 1:8). 

Sixthly, a child is to be taught to “buy the truth and sell it not” (Proverbs 23:23).  To succeed in this area is to attain victory as a parent.  A child who does not see the value in wisdom and truth is a child destined for heartaches now and forevermore.  The wise king Solomon saw that wisdom is “the principle thing in one’s life” (Proverbs 4:7-9).  Wisdom is so important that it should define what the child’s life is (see Proverbs 4:13).  A child who sees the true value of wisdom will give all diligence to obtain her (see Proverbs 8:18-19).  Solomon writes, “How much better is it to get wisdom that gold!  Yea, to get understanding is rather to be chosen than silver” (Proverbs 16:16).  Imagine a young man or woman today willing to spend more time studying God’s word and praying than playing a video game, texting on a cell phone, playing a baseball game, or watching a favorite television program.  More often than not it is the phone, game or television that grabs the majority of their time and interest.  Wisdom is important, valuable, and it is also an acquired disposition that will add years to one’s life (see Proverbs 10:27-30).  Proverbs gives us the secret to succeeding in having others come to faith and conviction.  The secret is instilling in others the value of wisdom and spirituality.  When people see the true value of wisdom they too will share your faith, conviction, zeal, and intense interest in the things of God.

Lastly, parents are to teach their children to “let thy father and thy mother be glad, and let her that bare thee rejoice” (Proverbs 23:24-25).  Children ought to want their parents to be happy and filled with joy.  It is the rebellious child that brings sorrow and grief to the family.  The child who gives heed to the above principles will bring joy and happiness to the home.  The rebellious, alcohol drinker, drug abuser, and disrespectful will bring unrest and sadness to a home. 

Discipline and correction

Parents also have the responsibility to administer timely discipline and correction to children.  Consider the fact that discipline and correction equates to love.  Solomon writes, “He that spares his rod hates his son; but he that loves him chastens him diligently” (Proverbs 13:24).  Again,  Solomon writes, “The rod and reproof give wisdom; but a child left to himself causes shame to his mother” (Proverbs 29:15).  Note that love and wisdom are directly associated with discipline and correction.  Seeing that wisdom is the principle thing in life it stands to reason that the parent must meet the responsibility of discipline.  To fail in this area is to ruin a child. 

Imagine a world in which there were no consequences for wrong doing.  Such a place would be without a government to exercise civil order.  The society would be a free for all.  People would not think twice above doing evil because there are no consequences to their actions.  A parent that does not discipline their child ruins that person’s hope of gaining wisdom.  One of the worst thing a parent can do to their child is to recognize a wrong and either say nothing about it or nag, harp, gripe, scream, and get angry at the child.  Such actions on the part of the parent will only exasperate the child (see Ephesians 6:4).  The child needs to be showed that the action or word was wrong, punished, and then instructed in the ways of righteousness (see Proverbs 13:24; 15:22).  When the child’s error is corrected wisdom will result (Proverbs 10:17).  Shameful behavior in a child is never to be tolerated but rather identified and punished (see Proverbs 19:25; 29:17).  Solomon writes, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15).  When the foolishness and shame is removed the child has hope (see Proverbs 19:18; 23:13-14).

Proverbs on Children’s Responsibility in the Home

The apostle Paul quotes from the ten commandments at Ephesians 6:1-2 when he said that children are to honor, respect, and display reverence to their parents.  Solomon establishes this Bible principle in the book of Proverbs.  Children who are disrespectful and rebellious against their parents will not go unpunished.  Solomon writes, “The eye that mocks at his father, And despises to obey his mother, The ravens of the valley shall pick it out, And the young eagles shall eat it” (Proverbs 30:17).  Children today need to understand that disrespect and rebellion is sinful (see 2 Timothy 3:1-2).  To roll your eyes at your parents as they try to instruct you is sinful.  To sigh aloud as you are told do reasonable chores is sinful.  To argue with parents when they tell you to do or not do something is sinful.  God’s great wrath will be unleashed upon the wicked young men and women who are disrespectful to their parents. 

Children have the responsibility to listen and learn from their parents.  The child that is willing to listen and give honor to his parents will gain much from this life and the life to come.  Young person, develop a willing heart to receive instruction now before the days of your life pass you and you be found a bitter and rebellious individual (see Proverbs 1:8-9).  Solomon writes, “He that refuses correction despises his own soul; but he that listens to reproof gets understanding” (Proverbs 15:32).  If only children would seriously look to the consequences of their actions now before they make grave mistakes in life they would save themselves many heartaches (see Proverbs 15:11).  Again, Solomon writes, “Whoso despises the word brings destruction on himself; but he that fears the commandment shall be rewarded” (Proverbs 13:13).  While the parent has the responsibility to teach the child about the consequences of wrong doing the child likewise has the responsibility to draw these same conclusions.

Another responsibility that Proverbs places upon children is the choice of one’s friends.  The most influential people in children’s lives are their friends.  Children who choose wicked friends will more likely try to be like their wicked friend rather than their wicked friend being like them (see Proverbs 28:7; 29:3).  The apostle Paul writes, “Be not deceived: Evil companionships corrupt good morals” (1 Corinthians 15:33).  Remember, every word you speak and action you perform truly defines you for what you are (see Proverbs 20:11).  It is one thing to say that you love and honor your parents and another thing to actually do this.  Choose good friends and you will be good and bring happiness to the home.

Happiness in the Home is Contingent upon Obedience

Happiness in the home occurs when the father, mother, and children all know and keep their respective God ordained roles.  The husband and father who exercises tender love toward his wife, the wife and mother who exercises humble submission to her husband, parents who conduct themselves tenderly and lovingly toward children, and the child who gives honor and respect to both parents makes for a happy home.  Solomon writes, “A wise son makes a glad father; but a foolish son is the heaviness of his mother” (Proverbs 10:1).

Imagine a home where the husband and wife are not getting along and the children are rebellious.  Solomon tells us that there is not much happiness in such an environment.  The wise king writes, “A foolish son is the calamity of his father; and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping” (Proverbs 19:13).  A man that does not have control of his home is a man with troubles (see Ephesians 5:22-25).  Again, Solomon writes, “He that doeth violence to his father, and chases away his mother, Is a son that causes shame and brings reproach.  Cease, my son, to hear instruction only to err from the words of knowledge” (Proverbs 19:26-27).  Shame and reproach define the home where rebellion occurs.  The Godly home with a rebellious son may experience a violent reaction on the part of the rebellious.  Said children do not want to be told what to do and they grow weary of living under the same roof as their parents who set rules to follow.  When a child lashes out at their parents they bring sorrow, shame, reproach, and grief to the whole family (see Proverbs 1:8; 4:13; 6:20; 10:1, 8, 17; 12:15; 13:24; 17:21).  A child who is disrespectful to the parents instructions, chooses thugs, drug addicts, alcoholics, and the perverse of mouth as friends, and rejects discipline and reproof is a source of great heart ache in the home. 

Conclusion:

Parenting is not an easy task.  Being a parent involves great joy but there will also be times of great sorrow.  Our objective, as parents, is to teach our children the value of wisdom, good friends, honor, and to correct them when needed.  Achieving these principles will provide a home that is happy and one that all may speak of in the present or past with fondness.  Above all, God will be pleased with both parents and child.  Heaven will ultimately be achieved.

Unfortunately, this is happening all of the time as people who were once a part of the Lord’s church, the church of Christ, leave for other pastures when they grew into adulthood.  Somewhere along the path of their life they either are lured away from Christ by the doctrines of man or they simply fall away, lured by the world and its lusts.

While we wonder why this happens, it is nothing new.  If we look back at the history of the Israelites we see this very thing happening time and again.  In 1 Samuel 2:22-25 we read of Eli’s sons who transgressed against God and Israel.  In 2 Kings 8:16-18 Jehoram, the son of Jehoshaphat, became king of Judah, but he did not walk in the way of his father, but instead walked in the way of the kings of Israel.  Why did this happen?  Did Eli fail in his training of Hophni and Phinehas?  Was it because Jehoshaphat did not teach Jehoram correctly, properly, and thoroughly?  In both cases was it because of external influences?  The latter had a definite impact on Jehoram has he married the daughter of Ahab.

Ahab is well known to us as one of the most evil kings that ever reigned over Israel.  He was aided on his path because of his chosen wife, Jezebel.  In 1 Kings 16:29-33 we are introduced to Ahab.  He is described in this passage as one who “did evil in the sight of the LORD, more than all who were before him”, “as though it had been a trivial thing for him to walk in the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, that he took as wife Jezebel the daughter of Ethbaal, king of the Sidonians; and he went and served Baal and worshiped him”, and “Ahab made a wooden image. Ahab did more to provoke the LORD God of Israel to anger than all the kings of Israel who were before him.” His son followed this same path and the result of the influence was the same.

While both of the examples “grew up” as Israelites, the chosen people of God, both left God for other pastures.  Both had all the opportunities that we have, that all have, to be obedient to God’s commands, but made decisions to move away from God.  When someone says that they grew up church of Christ but now they do not attend the church at all or belong to a denominational group they are revealing the result of several different factors that we have already seen in Hophni, Phinehas, and Jehoram.

The first reason that some leave the church is due to improper training.  In Proverbs 22:6 we read, Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. Too often when this verse is read it is misunderstood.  Too many think that this is an absolute when it is not.  A proverb is a good saying, a thoughtful consideration of basic truths that when applied properly give the adherent a strong base on which to stand; but they are not a guarantee simply because of the free will of man.  The proverb gives us a hope and an assurance based on truth.

In Genesis 18:19 God says of Abraham, “For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the LORD, to do righteousness and justice, that the LORD may bring to Abraham what He has spoken to him.” God says that He knew Abraham that he might teach his children to know God.  God has known us, we know God, today through His word.  If we know God and then take on the responsibility of raising children should we not also take on the responsibility of teaching them of God?

In Deuteronomy 4:9 Moses commands the Israelites, Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren. Moses also commanded the Israelites, You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up (Deuteronomy 6:7).

Parents must give their all in teaching their children to love God and acquire their very own love for God.  We read of this in Paul’s second letter to Timothy; I thank God, whom I serve with a pure conscience, as my forefathers did, as without ceasing I remember you in my prayers night and day, greatly desiring to see you, being mindful of your tears, that I may be filled with joy, when I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also (2 Timothy 1:3-5).  For me, this passage indicates that Timothy’s mother and grandmother had a love for God and the truth of the gospel of Christ and that they were able to teach Timothy to have this love also.  Timothy had his own love for God because he was taught the truth by his mother and grandmother.  We cannot give our children our faith they must develop their own faith and we help them by the things we teach them through our words and actions.

The second reason some leave the church in their adult years is because of the influences of the world.  Hophni, Phinehas, and Jehoram were all influenced by earthly pleasures and the wickedness of companions.

The devil seeks to entice us with the pleasures that can be found in the world.  In 2 Timothy 4:10 Paul wrote concerning Demas who was once a faithful worker, for Demas has forsaken me, having loved this present world, and has departed for Thessalonica. We are not told what exactly Demas loved but we know the results.  When it comes to the love of this world John sums it up for us writing, Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world (1 John 2:15-16).  Demas loved the world more than he loved God.  When we read of Hophni and Phinehas they practiced things of this world demonstrating their true love.

Generally speaking, when it comes to being enticed by the world, someone else will be involved.

Paul gave a warning to the church at Corinth when we wrote; Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits (1 Corinthians 15:33).  And in the second letter he continued; “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols?… (2 Corinthians 6:14-16).  Unfortunately we deceive ourselves all too often by thinking that we will be able to have this association without it harming us.  We do not regard God’s word on this subject because we think we know better.

When it comes to relationships with the world, one of the easiest ways to look at it is to examine the marriage relationship.  The following chart shows studies that were made in the 1970’s and 80’s.  I realize that this information is a bit dated but it still gives us an indication of the results of companionship with the world.

Before looking at the chart I want to say that a Christian can marry a non-Christian if they so choose and both have a right to marry.  There is no prohibition under Christ banning this type of marriage.  Some take 2 Corinthians 6:14 as proof text for this prohibition but marriage is not in the context of the passage.  Now, even though marriage is not the context of the passage I readily admit that the passage has an application to marriage.  Can a Christian marry a non-Christian? Yes.  Is it a good idea? No!  It is a dangerous situation that one willingly puts themselves into and one that can be completely avoided.

B. Street Church, Miami OK
1957-77

Christian to Non-Christian                                   Christian to Christian
76 marriages                                                       64 marriages
57 left faith – 75%                                               5 left faith – 7.8%
25 divorced – 32.9%                                          2 divorced – 3.1%
22 faithful – 28.9%                                            59 faithful – 92.2%

Bridges Street Church, Wynne, AR
1962-1981

76 marriages                                                       28 marriages
61 left faith – 80.2%                                            4 left faith – 14.3%
23 divorced – 30.2%                                          4 divorced – 14.3%
15 faithful – 19.7%                                             24 faithful – 85.7%

(Statistics compiled by Earl Edwards, Freed-Hardeman University, percentages added by author)

I cannot speak to the mindset or reasons affecting any of the individuals.  I cannot even speak to the faithfulness of any of the people involved to this day, but without question anyone can see the results at the time of the survey.  The vast majority of Christians who married non-Christians left the church.  While they may have “grown up” in the church they left the church under the influence of their non-Christian spouse.  It should also be noted that just because you marry a Christian it doesn’t a guarantee anything.  Also, the loss of any soul to the world is to be mourned.  It doesn’t matter if one is married to a Christian or not, if they turn from God and turn to the world a great tragedy has occurred.

Now if we can see the affect of this relationship on the Christian should we not be just as careful when dating?  Should we not be just as careful in business relationships?  How careful should we be with any relationship with those who walk as the world?  I know that we must live in the world and cannot ostracize ourselves from the world, 1 Corinthians 5:9-10, but we must walk soberly knowing the danger of too close association with those who care not for true obedience to God.

In the end how you grew up is important but nothing can be done about that now.  What is important is what are you doing about faithfulness and obedience to God today?  If you “grew up church of Christ” but are not faithful now what is keeping you from serving God?  What can you do about that?

Maybe that can be another article.
?

“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate” (Psalm 127:3-5).

The Genesis account reveals God’s intention that man “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it;&ldots;” (Genesis 1:28). The account also reveals that the sexual act is to be between a man and his wife. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Concerning the sexual nature of the husband/wife relationship, the writer of the letter to the Hebrews commented, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (13:4).

Obviously the desire of God is for children to be raised in what has been termed the nuclear family. A family that is intact, with father and mother fulfilling their roles, gives a child an opportunity to be happy and well developed. In this way he can one day take his position as a productive member of society, and a faithful follower of God.

Children who are born out of wedlock, or are the victims of broken homes, do not have the same advantages and opportunities. There is something missing in their upbringing, and it puts them at a grave disadvantage.

Recently Hillary Clinton, the former first lady and current senator from New York, wrote and published a book called It Takes a Village. The title of the book is taken from an old African proverb, and indicates that all members of society need to be involved and concerned about the welfare of our children.

The book mirrors the present societal belief that non-traditional homes can be as effective in raising children as the nuclear family, consisting of father, mother and children. As such, career women are having children out of wedlock, and taking their children to daycare almost as soon as they have been borne. Homosexuals are petitioning for the right to adopt, and are raising their kids to be accepting of their perverted lifestyle. Divorce is rampant in society, and it is the norm rather than the exception for a child to be shuttled from one “home” to another as their parents vie for their affections. In all of this, it is contended that we can effectively raise our kids if we all “work together.” In reality, this attitude toward the family is destructive, and the proof is evident even by a cursory examination of our culture.

At best, the “village” concept can be defended as a desperate attempt at salvaging our children after the damage has been done. It cannot be defended as an equally effective alternative to the home as defined by God.

Children Need Daddy

In Ephesians 6:4, the apostle wrote, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” The father is to be the source of discipline in the home. Too often the mother’s efforts to instruct and limit the children are undermined by an absentee or uninvolved father. Children need instruction. As they grow and mature, they need the proper instruction to know what limitations they must respect with regard to God, family, and society. God has given the father that responsibility in the home. Men must not abdicate their place.

The most important lessons a father can teach his children revolve around their responsibilities to God. Israelite parents were told to teach their children God’s will. “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates” (Deuteronomy 6:6-9).

Children Need Mommy

There is no more special love than that of a mother for her children. It is a natural affection, which emanates from the wellsprings of the heart. The prophet Isaiah compares it with the love of God, “Can a woman forget her nursing child, And not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, Yet I will not forget you” (49:15).

A child must have the foundation of his mother’s love. It enables him to face a cruel and dangerous world. That love must be reinforced daily by word and deed. Mothers who give their children to a daycare, or even to grandparents to raise do a great disservice to their children. We have too many families concerned with giving their children the latest video games, the largest homes, and the finest clothes, and not enough mothers and fathers who recognize that they can best help their children by giving themselves! Mother’s, your child needs you!

Conclusion

God gives the child instructions to “Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). His willingness and ability to do this depends much upon the faithfulness of mom and dad, as they seek to raise him in the “training and admonition of the Lord” (cf. 6:4). As the wise man said, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). No, it doesn’t take “a village” to raise a child, it takes a mom and dad!

Children are often too impatient to attempt to see the wisdom behind rules. They are not looking at events from the mature standpoint that only years of experience can bring; they are viewing events through the impatience and immaturity of youth. Such immaturity seldom seeks to find the wisdom behind a rule, particularly if it interferes with the immediate gratification of a desire. The guiding light of youth is expressed in the sentiment, "I want…" and "I want it now…" Consequently, when any restricting rule is enforced which inhibits or restricts, a young person who has no respect for experience or for the Biblical injunction of obedience will rebel. Whether the rule is a curfew on dating nights, attendance at worship services, homework, housework or personal grooming guidelines, compliance is grudging, if at all.

Adding to this problem is the fact that young people are encouraged in rebellion by their peers at school, by a lawless generation and by lyrics of music which teach and propagate a rebellious spirit. Parents are portrayed as old-fashioned, over-the-hill, "out of it" and unfair. With a wave of the hand, all experience of a preceding generation of parents is dismissed if it interferes with "doing your own thing." And not too subtly, the mistakes of the older generation are used to show the irony of anyone "telling me what to do." However, if, with all our experience and regulations we have made such a botch of things, what will a generation do that refuses to respect experience or be restricted? Already we are reaping the terrible results of this philosophy in broken homes, abortion, drug addiction, increased crime rates and a multitude of problems. Unlicensed restraint surely is not the answer!

Understand the Consquences

But if our young people get their way, if they overthrow all restrictions, and if they get out on their own, they need to realize something. They really are on their own!

If I know the intentions of most parents, it has been their purpose to provide a kind of life that will prepare their children to be on their own and to prosper. Parents lay down rules and regulations so that when their children leave home, they will be prepared morally, spiritually and educationally to meet the challenges of life and be productive. These are the basic reasons for rules in the home. It is inevitable, given the normal course of events, that children leave home. The question is, "Will they be prepared when they leave home?" As parents, we fully agree with our children that, when they leave home, "you are on your own." In fact, we realize it more fully than our children!

• You are on your own spiritually. No longer will the parents be held accountable for the actions of the children. For a time when children are young, the Lord holds parents responsible for the teaching and training of their offspring. But a time comes when a child ceases to be the ward of another and becomes an adult in his own right. At that time responsibility for actions ceases to be that of the parent and passes, irrevocably, to the child. Beyond this point you answer to God at the judgment for what you do. Truly you are on your own.
• You are on your own morally. While you were at home, there were restraining teachings about fornication, drinking, companions, movies, books, magazines, etc. Now that you are "on your own," there are no restraints. You will be able to do as you please, when you please and where you please. But you will also be accountable for these actions. As Solomon said, "But know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment" (Ecclesiastes 11:10).

Yes, my friend, you will be on your own, to stand or fall, for good or bad. There will be no one to blame but yourself. Your mistakes will be yours and no guilt can be handed back to your parents any longer. And there is an additional thought worthy of consideration: when you have children, you will be faced with the same responsibilities your parents had. If you love your children, if you want their life to prosper, if you want them to grow up respecting others and being prepared to face life, you will have to set some rules. And the cycle will have come full circle! You will be the parent and your children will be saying, "Boy, when I leave home and get on my own, I’ll do what I want to do." And when you hear these words (probably not before then), you will appreciate what your parents went through to raise you. The next time you want "out on your own," think about it.

In the years that have followed, all of my children have suffered similarly, as gospel meetings, Wednesday night classes, and even Sunday morning assemblies have conflicted with their secular schedules. These are rather mild cases, but are nevertheless characteristic examples of how those who follow Christ suffer in the face of an uncaring world. Paul said that such would be the lot of all Christians, “Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution” (2 Timothy 3:12). Anyone who names the name of Christ will suffer as a result of his profession.

I am proud to say that my children have suffered these persecutions stoically, but it breaks my heart that they have had to give up even this little bit for their faith. Having said that, I believe these “losses” to be among the most powerful and important lessons they have learned in their short lives as Christians.

As parents, we long to protect our children from the harsh realities of life. It breaks our heart to see them suffer either emotionally or physically, and we seek to shield them from whatever heartbreak we can. Much of this is needed, and responsible. However, it is possible to be so protective of our children that they fail to receive needed lessons that only heartbreak and suffering can bring. It was a wise man who wrote in Ecclesiastes 7:2-4, “Better to go to the house of mourning Than to go to the house of feasting, For that is the end of all men; And the living will take it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, For by a sad countenance the heart is made better. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, But the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.” So, where is that fine line between protecting and coddling our children? When is it that as parents we are properly protecting our children, and when is it that we are retarding their spiritual and character growth through our overprotective tendencies? These questions are very difficult, but there are scriptural principles which can help parents navigate this difficult minefield.

Children can be cruel. Kids who are “different” in any way often feel the sting of ridicule from their peers. Kids make fun of others because of physical defects, cultural differences, economic hardships, and religious convictions.

Christian parents want their children to “fit in”, and be popular rather than to suffer such cruelty. This is often the reason for allowing children to miss Bible study or worship so that they may take part in other activities. It is also why some parents allow their children to wear inappropriate and immodest clothing. Recently one Christian parent defended the decision to let her child go to the Prom for the same reason. The argument was, “They will not be dancing, and it is such an important event in their and their friends’ lives, there will be no harm in them going.”

Of course, there is damage done when such compromises are made. Service to God no longer can be upheld as the first priority in the Christian’s life. The child’s influence as a Christian suffers, as those who see them at the prom don’t see the proper influence that any Christian should be exhibiting toward others.

Years ago I asked a Christian parent where her 16 year old daughter was, as she was not present for services. She told me that her daughter was visiting a Baptist church with her friend, and defended her decision by saying she wanted her daughter to have her own convictions regarding her faith. It is not surprising that her daughter, now grown, is not a faithful Christian.

The question arises, how do we ensure that our children “have their own convictions?” Do we encourage them to experiment with other religions, or do we following the biblical precedent?

(Deuteronomy 6:6-7), “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”

(Ephesians 6:4), “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

Myriad examples could be given of this wrong minded approach to raising our children. In our desire for our children to be independent in their thinking we allow them to watch TV and listen to music according to their tastes, without supervision. We let them choose their own friends, and then weep at the consequences of the wrong decisions they make.

While it is good to let children make decisions, the parent must have the final say. That way wrong decisions can be corrected, and the child can be taught. This is what Paul intended in his instruction to Christian fathers to bring children up in “the training and admonition of the Lord.”

A while back my son was invited to attend a lectureship with a friend of his from another congregation. I objected, because the man preaching had taught error publicly in times past. In this case the error concerned the historical accuracy of the Genesis account of creation. Not wanting to offend, I explained my reasons to the friend’s parents. They exhibited little interest in hearing the issue, and the mother actually said that such issues should be kept from our young people. She said, “Our kids don’t need to know about these things.”

Such a “head in the sand” mentality will leave our children woefully unprepared to take their place as leaders of the Lord’s church in the next generation. While I understand these present battles over error are not theirs’ to fight, they desperately need to know of error that they not be overtaken in it. What our children need is more study on these issues, not less. They need more preaching on denominational error, liberalism, immorality, and other doctrinal errors. They need to be innoculated against digression by studies on authority, the nature and work of the church, and other fundamentals of the gospel of Christ. Too often their instruction is limited to “young people issues.”

Paul likened those “tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine” as “children.” (cf. Ephesians 4:14). He encouraged the young men to show integrity in their doctrine (cf. Titus 2:7). It is obvious that the young are especially vulnerable to the false teacher. And many parents, with the good intention of protecting their children, are instead leaving them unprepared for the onslaught of error.

And so some Christian parents are confused as to what constitutes the protection of our children. There are two disparate philosophies of child raising that can not both be correct. The first of the two attitudes could be illustrated in the following compilation of conversations I have had with parents in the recent past.

“I am going to allow my child to go to the Prom, so that he will feel part of his peer group, and will not be ridiculed for his faith. As long as he doesn’t dance, I don’t think he should have to suffer the taunts of unkind children.

“Also, I think the church should try to accommodate my children’s activities. For example, if there is a big “football game” or other important event that would interfere with a scheduled gospel meeting, have the gospel meeting from Sunday through Thursday, and don’t meet on Friday. That way my child would not be forced to make hard choices, or feel left out by missing a band concert or other school activity.”

No verses support this concept of parenting. For example, the Bible says to flee temptation, sexual immorality, etc., and yet some parents are willing to let their children dally with such ungodliness in the name of “fitting in.” We are telling our children that we can approach temptation, and be side to side with it, so long as we don’t go over the edge. Such is dangerous thinking. Recently, school boards in various areas of the country have come under criticism for setting guidelines regarding conduct and dress at school proms. It seems that kids are emulating the dress and moves of Hollywood, and dancing is becoming ever more sexual. The school boards are having to draw lines to exclude the most obscene gestures and revealing dress. And some Christian parents are willing to expose their children to such evil!

The second “conversation” is more true to the scriptural concept of “protecting” our kids.

“I will not allow my child to go to the Prom, because of the sinful activities that go on there, and the message it will give to him that the activities are not all that bad.

“When my child has conflicts with church and secular activities, I will explain to him what is most important, and though I know there will be sadness at the loss, I also am confident that his faith will be strengthened by enduring this hardship.”

In a nutshell, it seems that we are more interested in protecting our children from disappointment than we are in protecting them from sin. We want to save them from what is their lot in life, “Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution” (2 Timothy 3:12).

In this wrong minded attempt to protect our children, we rob them of the joy and growth that comes through tribulation and persecution. “My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing“ (James 1:2-4).

And, in so doing we rob them glory that comes from the testing of their faith. “Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him” (James 1:12).

May we as Christian parents use these Bible principles as we seek to protect our children!

“When I first learned that you drank beer, I cried. Oh, you denied it but we both knew you were lying. You had been slipping around for some time and smoking. And you had friends that you would not bring home with you. I’m sure that it was because you knew they would not fit into your lifestyle and would be uncomfortable. Remember the discussions we had about how late you could stay out at night? Even now I cringe when I think of the bitter words that have been exchanged between us. I felt that you had rebelled against our values and you felt that we were being too strict. We still stand somewhere at odds on this issue.

“I find a great deal of resentment in me against modern music and the role it has played in alienating the youth in this country from good morals. I feel that this one thing, immoral and rebellion-instilling music, became the encouragement you needed to overcome the values you were taught as a child. In the lyrics of the music, as well as the all-pervading beat of the unrestricted license it preaches, you found an ally that did not restrict, did not hold back. In fact, it actually encouraged you to ‘do your own thing,’ to ‘let yourself go.’

“It was during this time that you almost did not finish school and did so only because we forced you to go. It was during this time that I became aware of the fact that you expressed resentment against ‘going to church.’ It was during this time that I became aware of the fact that you resented me and any restrictions placed on your actions: what you did, where you went, and who you were with. Long hair became a symbol of your frustration and identified you with the crowd. Drugs became a constant fear to parents around the country. I don’t know to this day how much they figured in your alienation from us and I don’t care to know. That all of this formed a pattern of rejection of God is evident. Of course, some children went too far and were killed. Some ruined their minds. We are thankful that such was never true with you. But these things, all added together, created a life-style so different from that in which you were raised that it still makes me dizzy to think about it. How could such have happened? What could I have done differently to help you avoid being caught in this ungodly environment? How much of it do you see in its true light even now?

“The Bible teaches that there is a way that is right and cannot be wrong. This way is the way of truth and holiness. Look around you at the marriages that are ruined by divorce, lives that are destroyed by alcohol and drugs, hopes that are destroyed by sin and souls that are turned away from God. Is this the way you have been taught? Is this the way you have been brought up? Isn’t there a better life than that which you see about you in the world and among the friends you have chosen?

“You have told us that people in the church have insulted you and that some of them are hypocrites and that some of them are a little abnormal about the world we live in. I won’t argue that point. I have known some of this in my life too. I have been insulted, have known hypocrites and have seen some abnormal people — even a little weird, maybe. But I find these at the supermarket (and have been insulted there) and I find these everywhere I shop. But I have also learned that there are good people in the church. Honest, God-fearing, loving, hard-working people who love one another unselfishly. I know a bunch of Christians who make mistakes. I am one of them. But look at the alternative. What if everyone drank, smoked pot, had no morals and did only what brought them physical pleasure? What kind of world would this be?

“I’ve been true to my word. I’ve talked of things that are painful. But in doing so, I wanted to try to picture two lifestyles. Both of them are filled with error. The difference between the man in the world and the man in the church is that we who are trying to be Christians are trying to learn from our mistakes, to get forgiveness for them, and to do better in the future. One lifestyle has pleasure in this world as its only goal. The lifestyle of the Christian has heaven as its goal. This is not to say that Christians have no pleasure here, but that our pleasure brings no regrets and no hang-overs.

“One final word before closing this letter. No hypocrite in the church is going to keep me away from Jesus. After all, He wasn’t a hypocrite and He is the one I serve. And the one I hope you will start to serve again.”

“Can you imagine how your mother and I felt when you served us the Lord’s supper the first time as you ‘waited on the table’? You seemed so small up in front of the congregation with the grown men and you were nervous. You were afraid you would drop the plates, remember? But I knew you could do it and you did. You were dressed so neatly in your suit and were so sincere in doing everything right that I wanted to burst with happiness. Even as a young teenager, you were everything that we wanted you to be. Sure, we had discipline problems with you … you were a boy, weren’t you? We had some disappointments along the way, but the total of your life was good and decent and right. We never missed worship services. We never missed gospel meetings. You even led singing in some of the training classes and in the assembly a number of times. You led prayers and led the prayer at the table at home. Did we ever tell you how proud we were? Maybe this was the beginning of some major mistakes. We assumed you knew how we felt and how proud we were. If we failed in this, please accept our apology. We just knew that you understood how we felt. But maybe we took this too much for granted.

“I feel also that I was too busy with work during this time and didn’t spend enough time with you in everyday things. We were together in the evenings and on weekends as we worshipped together, but maybe I should have gone fishing with you more or showed you how to use tools … just anything to keep a close relationship. Because it was somewhere along these early teenage years that you must have begun to develop an interest outside the home and church that has made such a change in your values. I have spent many hours looking back, trying to analyze just where I could have used more wisdom, could have spent more time with you. It bothered me when you began to have friends outside the church more and more, but I thought this would be a passing thing. You had always done what was right before and I believed you would keep on doing what was right. But, if I can put my finger on a period in your life when you began to change, it is right here. Your interest turned away form home and the church as you began to make friends in the world.

“When I write to you again, I would like to talk to you about the beginning of troubles at home with you. I do not bring these up to stir old animosities but to analyze, to search, to seek for answers. I still see in you the possibility of right living. I still hope for you a heavenly home. So please bear with me as I speak of things that are painful to both of us. Sometimes a bitter dose of medicine can bring about wonderful healing. If opening my heart to you, however painful it may be, can help bring you closer to God, it is well worth it.

“May God grant you life and health both here and hereafter.

This series of “letters” will describe some of the feelings that parents have when children reject God. No one family is described; rather a composite family drawn from many experiences is projected. It is hoped that parents will use these articles to open the door of young people’s hearts to the tender love of Christ and remind them of their parents’ love. They are also an appeal to our young people who have forgotten the most important lesson they will ever learn, “Love God and keep His commandments.”

We urge you to use these letters to reach out to your wayward children as gentle reminders that the only true happiness is found in service to God. It is our prayer that even one might be restored as was the prodigal son in Luke 15: “This my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.”

“How can we tell you how we felt when you were born? It seems ridiculous now to think of you as ever being so tiny and helpless when you have grown so tall and are making your own way in the world as an adult. Yet, there you were, just born and we held you with such love and tenderness, for you seemed so fragile. At that time we could never imagine the years would pass so quickly. All those old folks’ stories about time going so fast are really true. It seems like yesterday to us that you were sent to us from heaven.

“There was such a mixture of emotions when we first saw you! You were a person, yet an extension of ourselves. We were awed when we realized that you were sent into our keeping from God to shape and mold and we had such good intentions. Believe me, you were really loved and tenderly cared for. We wanted to be such good parents!

“Somewhere between that blessed event and today some terrible mistakes were made. I suppose there is enough guilt to pass around to everyone: ourselves, you, society, the schools, the church. But I can only speak for myself when I say that I feel a terrible burden of failure when I see you turn your back on God. I am responsible for what I did! And for what I failed to do! Does it help at all to say that everything I did had good intentions behind it? All along the way I assumed that you would know this and overlook my mistakes because I loved you and wanted you to be the very best that you could be. Most important of all, I assumed that you would want to be a Christian. And this is our biggest failure of all.

“I remember teaching you to sing ‘Jesus Loves Me’ at home. You really enjoyed singing when you were young. You toddled off to Bible classes and brought us the work sheets when you learned to print ‘Jesus loves me’ by yourself. Do you remember any of this? What are your earliest recollections of life? We tried so hard to plant a love of God along with visits to the zoo and playing in the water and working in the yard. Do you remember your first prayers at the dinner table? Do you remember playing with the children of other Christians and the enjoyable visits we had with our good friends in the church? These were good times and we truly were happy as we watched you grow. These memories seem so bittersweet now that things have changed so much. It is true that we cannot go back to these times, but just the memory of them means so much to us. I wish I could know how much of these things you remember. I wish I could know if such memories mean the same to you or if you have shelved them away somewhere.

“Since I cannot say all that I want to say now, I will write you again. As I close this letter, I want to ask a favor of you. Will you search your memory to see how much God was a part of your early life? Wasn’t He more than just ‘going to church,’ or ‘getting your Bible study’? Didn’t you truly love God when you were young? We thought you did and we were so proud of you. In those years you were all that we hoped you would be. We thanked God for you and for the pleasure you brought to us. It is our prayer that you may recall those early memories of the love you had for God and think about it until you hear again from,

There is a great need today for our young people to be taught the word of God. As I write this, I believe it goes without saying that this is true. The need for gospel teaching is seen in the words of Christ as He commanded His disciples to, “Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature. He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned” (Mk. 16:15-16). It is seen in Paul’s words, “And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also” (2 Tim. 2:2). Peter’s words also show us how important it is to be taught God’s word. This is because we must, “abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul,” and “speak as the oracles of God” (1 Pet. 2:11, 4:11). There is no way a Christian (regardless of age) may live, speak, or teach others in a way that pleases God unless he/she is taught what pleases God.

The Need for Teaching Our Young PeopleIn considering our subject, why is it necessary to teach our young people? First of all, it is necessary because teaching our youth is commanded by God, as we have already shown. Teaching our young people also shows that we are following the apostolic example (1 Cor. 11:1; Phil. 3:16). Paul took time to impart his experience and knowledge to young men like Timothy and Titus. (Not unlike what Christ did for His disciples!). Paul knew he wasn’t going to live forever, and that men like Timothy and Titus were going to have to rise up and fill Paul’s place as a teacher and exhorter of brethren when he was gone.What amazes me is that some of our brethren, especially our older preaching brethren, have a very poor attitude toward helping and imparting knowledge to our young Christians, especially the young Christian men who are trying to preach God’s word. This is not a blanket statement of course, for I know some fine older Christians who are willing to help and give young men and young ladies the benefit of their experience. However, this is not always true. Some of our older brethren have a very selfish attitude toward teaching younger people, and treat them with a sink or swim attitude (There is no help or advice offered the young Christian, or when given, it is given grudgingly). I am thankful that Paul was not like that, and am thankful for brethren I know who are not like that.Still, we have other older brethren who are willing to teach younger people, but their kind of help is not needed today. Frankly, I think it would be better for some brethren to be silent than to have their false doctrines and musings spread abroad as they are. Unfortunately, it is true that we have some of our brethren more than willing to take young men and ladies to one side and warn them of so-called creed makers, brotherhood watchdogs, Pharisees, and legalists who are bound to tear us apart. If my dear readers do not believe that brethren are spreading malicious gossip and lies against others in front of our youth, you do not have your eyes open. If you are guilty of such, shame on you! You are guilty of subvert(ing) whole households (Tit. 1:11) and leading our youth away from that which is most important!

There is an Absolute StandardOur young people need to be taught that there is an absolute standard for our life — God’s word (Jn. 17:17)!! Too many are not being taught this today. Let me tell you, that when we get away from absolutes, and from true standards of right and wrong, we will have a generation of young people with the ability to justify any form of wickedness or lewdness they please and call it right. Do you not think this is possible? If not, then explain how in the world a generation of people could become so mixed up that they called good, evil and they called darkness, light (Isa. 5:20-21)?? Our young people need to be taught the importance of living according to the Bible, with their minds on right things (Phil. 4:8; 1 Tim. 5:22)!

The Role of Older Christians and ParentsOur children need to be taught several things that we will discuss soon, but the first thing that needs to be established is the role of those who are older Christians. What is the best way to get the points we have mentioned across to our youth? It is by making sure that our older brethren (especially the parents) are living the way they should! Any time we talk about our youth living right, we must also remember the ones older than them. You see, we cannot expect the youth in the church to simply know what is right. They will generally follow the example of those who lived before them. Now, what kind of an example is being set by parents, and other older Christians? This is where it hits home, does it not? I am afraid that too many have the attitude that our young people can be taught all they need to know in the two or three hours they are at the services every week. Not so! While some would never say this, their attitude betrays them as people who think, “My child will not see what I do.” Paul said it was necessary for the older Christians to teach the younger Christians what is right. In Titus 2, we see this being made abundantly clear. There, Paul writes, “But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded. In all things showing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine showing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity” (Tit. 2:1-7). In this one passage alone, we see the great responsibility that the older Christians have to the younger. Consider also, that the parents (especially the fathers) have a great responsibility to teach our young people. A father’s responsibility does not end with the paycheck on Friday! While this is necessary (1 Tim. 5:8), a father’s responsibility is so much greater than that. We see fathers being instructed to, “provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).Our young people cannot be told how to live right until we are living it ourselves! Parents, and other older Christians, must teach our youth through their example, through their sterling character, through Scriptural direction, and moral conviction. Until these things are seen in our lives, how in the world can we expect to see it in our young peoples’ lives? Too many today have let down our youth by either not showing themselves to be the right example, or by not being motivated enough to show they care for the souls of our young people. What a tragedy!! And by the way, much of this started at home. Think about it!

Our Young People Need a Proper Knowledge of the Bible.What do our youth need to be taught? Put simply, our youth need to be taught the Bible! Our young people need a proper knowledge of what is right and wrong. One of the problems that is destroying the church today is a lack of knowledge. Of course, this is nothing new, but that does not make it any less tragic! In Hosea’s day, God said, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” As a result, God said, “because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee” (Hos. 4:6). I do not want to be rejected by God, do you? I do not want to reject His word, either. You see, one day that word (that is rejected by so many) is what will judge us (Jn. 12:48). A good illustration that shows us the danger of not knowing Gods word is seen in a survey taken by Guy Woods several years ago. He found that 50% of Christians do not know why we do not use mechanical instruments in the worship, 85% of that 50% said they would not mind using the instrument, 10% of Christians believe that one church is as good as another, and 75% cannot find the plan of salvation in the Bible. Scary, huh? Just think, the people who took this survey are teaching our Bible classes, are teaching their children, and are on the job supposedly shining their light to their co-workers (Matt. 5:16).Can you dear reader, see the connection between our children’s lack of knowledge, and the lack of knowledge that is so evident among older Christians? If you can, then you understand why I began by prefacing these remarks with the fact that older Christians must be what they should be if we expect our young people to be what they need to be. The young will generally follow the example of the old.Unfortunately, what we have coming out of the pulpit and out of the lives of many Christians is hardly what it ought to be. We find in many places preachers who are more interested in entertaining than preaching, and Christians who love to have it so (cf. Jer. 5:30-31). Sometimes, we have situations where the preacher will preach his heart out, speaking only “the oracles of God” (1 Pet. 4:11). Yet, those Christians who hear that sermon will continue to live as they please, all the while proclaiming that they love God’s word and stand behind it. Friends, our young people are seeing these things, and it is not surprising that so many are discouraged! After all, we cannot have it both ways! Why should there be any urgency for Bible study when those who ought to know better act as if Bible study is nothing? Brethren, we are facing a grave problem in this country, and it is high time we awoke to the problem around us. If we do not have the proper knowledge of God’s word, how in the world can we ever obey Him? How can we be Christ’s friend (Jn. 15:14)? How can we show our love for Him when we do not know what He wants us to do (Jn. 14:15)? I can read of a generation that did not know God (Judg. 2:10). How is this possible when the generation before was the one to enter the Promised Land under the leadership of Joshua? How is this possible when those who went before vowed that they would, without question, follow God’s commandments (Josh. 24:16-18, 21-24)?? We do not know all the reasons, but I am certain that if we are not interested in our young people now, and are not interested in making sure they have a proper understanding of God’s will, we will have a generation just like the one in Judges 2. Mark it down!!

Our Faith Is Not InheritedWhat else do our young people need to be taught? They need to be taught that faith is not something handed down. We have many second generation or perhaps third, or fourth generation Christians today. That is, they have been brought up knowing nothing of denominationalism, or worldliness, for they have been “brought up in the church”, as many say. Certainly, we ought to encourage people to follow in the right steps of their parents and grandparents who made great sacrifices for the cause of Christ. There is no question that there would be no local church established in many places if it had not been for the sacrifices and accomplishments of those just a few generations ago. However, it is important that no one think that just because Grandpa or Grandma or Daddy or Mother did what was right, that this automatically makes us right!! It is high time that our young people understood that their faith is not inherited. Friends, GOD HAS NO GRANDCHILDREN!!!While I love my parents and grandparents dearly, my faith is my own. I (as well as all other Christians, young and old) must realize that Christ died for ME. I have sinned and come short of the glory of God (Rom. 3:23). I am the one who has gone astray (Isa. 53:6). I need forgiveness for the sins I have committed (Ezek. 18:20; Col. 3:25). Our young people need to face reality. It is fine that they enjoy life and have fun, but they need to remember that things will not always be like this, and that one day a judgment is coming (Ecc. 11:9-10, 12:13-14). Seeing that no one knows when the Lord will return, we need to prepare while we have the opportunity (Matt. 25:1-13). The Bible teaches that all we have is now. We are not promised a later to make things right (2 Cor. 6:1-2; Heb. 3:7-8, 15; Jn. 4:35). Our faith is not inherited, (Just like our sin is not inherited! They stand or fall together.) therefore our youth must be impressed with the value of their souls, and the need for becoming a Christian while they can (Matt. 16:26; Mk. 16:16).

Our Youth Need ConvictionConnected with the above thought is the fact that our youth need to be taught what it means to be a Christian. One thing that is lacking among many Christians today is conviction. Just look around at those who can take it either way when it comes to Bible teaching. Look at those who do not see anything wrong with certain men preaching providing they don’t speak on ________________ topic. This is done because some are just too spineless to take a stand anymore. Once again, this is not a blanket statement on every single Christian, but it is abundantly clear that this attitude prevails in many parts of our nation and the world.Instead of jokes and entertainment, our young people need to hear about Christ, Paul, Silas, Barnabas, Peter, Philip, and a multitude of others who stood strong and firm for the “faith once delivered unto the saints” (Jude 3). They need to know the sacrifices that these people faced in the first Century and what that means to us. They need to know that sacrifices are still being made today, and will be continually needed if the church is going to remain pure. Our young people need to know that we are required to work in this life, and the rest comes later (Heb. 4:9). Baptism marks the beginning of our spiritual life, not the end!!Brethren, there is a liberal attitude among us that says young people won’t listen to those things anymore, we must use other methods to get them interested. As a result, many liberals among us will use doughnuts, parties, games, and other things to try to lure young people into becoming Christians. But, when the fire’s turned up through controversy and standing for the truth, they are gone. Why? Because they have no conviction about what they believe! It is high time that we got back to preaching the Bible, and impressing people with the fact that the gospel, and the gospel alone is God’s power to save (Rom. 1:16). The gospel is God’s drawing power (Jn. 6:44-45; 2 Thess. 2:13), and if this is not good enough for some of our preachers, then they are in the wrong business and need to be sent out of the pulpits in a hurry!! They have done enough damage already. If the pure and simple gospel is not good enough for some Christians, then they are simply offering lip-service to God, and we all know what will happen to them (Matt. 15:8-13)!

Being a Christian means living and following Christ all the days of our life. Paul said we need to be “stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord” (1 Cor. 15:58). I cannot be always abounding in God’s word until I know what He wants me to do, and then I do it! Young people need to know that simply having knowledge of God’s word will not cut it!! It also requires our being obedient to Christ’s word regardless of the consequences! When we read about Christ, we learn that He is “the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him” (Heb. 5:9). Until our youth are taught so that they understand these simple concepts, we are in trouble! Unfortunately today, we have some who are old enough as Christians to know what God would have them do, and to teach it, but they simply refuse to do so for whatever reason! How sad, and how selfish on their part!

Our Youth Must Be Good Examples.The youth in the Lord’s church are never too young to learn that they can be good examples to others. When Paul wrote the young preacher Timothy, he told him to, “keep thyself pure” (I Tim. 5:22). Earlier in that chapter, he had admonished him to, “Rebuke not an elder, but entreat him as a father; and the younger men as brethren; The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity” (I Tim. 5:1-2). How many young men’s reputations have been ruined because they did not treat the sisters with all purity?? Our young people need to know and know well that they are never too young to show themselves to be the right example. Who knows the untold good that is done when our young Christians will allow their light to shine at school, at home, in their neighborhood, and especially among the young people they know in the Lord (Matt. 5:14-16)! It does fellow Christians untold good (regardless of their age) when they can see other Christians dealing with the same problems and struggles in this life that they face, and seeing them pulling through those problems with the help of the Lord (Phil. 4:13). Our youth need to be taught that they CAN make a difference to someone. In fact, this is one of the reasons we are to assemble together to worship God in the first place — to “exhort one another” (Heb. 10:25).

Our Young People Need to be Aware of ControversyOur young people need to be made aware of current controversies and the effect they can have on our faith. The controversies we will mention are by no means all the controversies one might face today. The author knows that other things would fit into this category as well (perhaps better than the ones we will discuss). However, the controversies we mention here are perhaps more prominent than others.

• Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage

It goes without saying that brethren are teaching falsehoods concerning marriage, divorce and remarriage. Christ’s plain statements in Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 are no longer plain enough for some. While the purpose of this article is not intended to be a detailed handling of this question, let it be made clear that our young people need to be taught the truth on this subject. They need to be taught that any argument that allows the guilty party in the divorce to remarry is a violation and contradiction of the Scriptures. Our youth need to know that sometimes, BOTH parties are in sin, and thus both have forfeited their right to remarry another.

• Separating Christ from the Church

In thinking about current controversies, our young people need to be aware of the false doctrine that tries to separate Christ and the church. Some of our brethren are saying we have focused too much on the church, baptism, etc. and need to focus more on Christ. I have an article dated June 1994, in which one man states, They (the people in Jerusalem in Acts 2, JJ) surrendered not to a plan of salvation, but to a Savior. Pray tell, how can one surrender to the Savior if they do not surrender to His plan?? This man made a distinction where there was no difference! This thread of thought is nothing new. Our denominational friends have been saying things like this for years. Our liberal brethren picked up on it, and now some of our conservative brethren are speaking the same garbage.

Our young people need to know about these problems. We cannot shelter and hide them from all of this. If we do, how will they handle these problems when they are in the leadership roles in the local church?? Our youth need to know how to answer this dilemma. They need to know that the church was in the “eternal purpose” of God (Eph. 3:10-11). The establishment of the church was not an accident or some kind of divine Band-Aid. Christ promised to build His church in Matthew 16:18 and did so. Christ is the chief corner-stone in the foundation of the church (1 Pet. 2:6). The church is also described as Christs body (Col. 1:18, 24; Eph. 1:19-23, 4:4). We also see a description of the church as the bride of Christ (Rev. 22:17; Eph. 5:23-33).

To try to separate Christ and the church is to take the foundation away from the house. Would you buy a house that had no foundation? Why not? Because it would surely fall. This is the end result of all those who build their churches upon some man or some religious practice (1 Cor. 3:10-11; Matt. 15:13). To demand that brethren speak about Christ, but not the church is to behead the body! I dont think I have to tell you what happens when a head is removed from its body. Further, to imply that proper preaching could be done by preaching about Christ and not the church is to take the groom away from his bride. How can people be married and joined together if one party is not there? Thankfully, God has joined Christ and the church together. And “what therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matt. 19:6).

• Allowing False Teachers to Teach Us Provided They Don’t Speak on the Falsehood They Spread.

Another popular thing conservative churches are doing is allowing men to preach for them unopposed when it is clear that they are teaching false doctrines, or upholding the hands of others who are doing so. The reasoning goes, We allow him to preach on _____________ subjects, but will not allow him to preach on ______________. Based on this logic, why not invite the local Baptist preacher to preach for you during your next meeting? Have him preach to you with your full endorsement, provided he doesnt talk about faith-only or instrumental music. Think of the community togetherness that could come from such a venture! Perhaps we could allow the local Methodist preacher to preach for us, provided he does not talk about sprinkling water on babies for their salvation, or tithing? Maybe we could bring in the local Catholic preacher to fill the pulpit the next time our preacher is out of town? Allow that priest to preach as long as he doesn’t talk about the Pope, fish on Fridays (which is making a come-back), vows of celibacy for priests and nuns, etc.

What? We would not stand for such things? Then why in the world will we allow those among us to come for a week and spread their false teachings both publicly and privately? Are their words not as false as Catholicism? Will our brethrens’ false teachings not send us to Hell, if followed, where the denominational preachers words will? Is the influence of our false brethren not as corrupting as the influence of the Baptist or Methodist preacher?

It should be made clear that just because we tell someone not to preach on __________ subject from the pulpit, this will not keep him from teaching it house to house when he gets the opportunity. By lending our support to false teachers and their sympathizers who are among us, we are giving our youth a mixed message. Truly, “the legs of the lame are not equal” (Prov. 26:7). What are we teaching our young people? Are our young people being taught the serious consequences of supporting men who promote such blatant heresies as have been mentioned? I hope so for the future of the church!

ConclusionWe must realize that the things we have mentioned are a learning process, they cannot be poured into someone automatically. Just as one grows and matures from a small child to an adult, so also one grows and matures from the babe in Christ to the mature Christian (Heb. 5:12-14; 1 Pet. 2:1-2; 2 Pet. 3:18; 1 Cor. 3:1-3). It is time that all of us recognize this, and realize that our young people will never know right from wrong unless those who are older are teaching them. This is God’s plan (Tit. 2:1-7). As a result, we cannot leave our young people alone to sink or swim as they float on the sea of life! Those who are older, and especially their Christian parents, must be working with them to lead them in the right direction. This requires love (Agape love as is mentioned in the Bible), it takes discipline, and it takes the will to do all that God says do, living by the word of God and only by the word of God (Col. 3:17). Young people need our older brethren to take them by the hand and teach them all the counsel of God (Acts 20:20). We do not need back-slappers, and men who compromise “the faith once delivered unto the saints” (Jude 3) to keep the young people interested. This is a detriment to spreading the borders of the kingdom, it is not an asset.Brethren, what will you do? It is up to all of us to do our part. If we do not, we will definitely raise up a generation that does not know the Lord!!! Let us all make a concentrated effort to teach our young people right from wrong, and what it means to be a Christian, a soldier in the Lord’s army.